Slowing Down..

Adia,


It has been an insanely hot summer this year.  Every summer, I read about or see a story on the news of a parent accidentally leaving their baby in the car.  It was always sad to me in years past, but now that I have you it absolutely crushes my heart.  I cannot imagine a baby being left in such a hot car and how the baby must feel. And I cannot imagine how a parent must feel when they realize what they have done.

When I hear of incidents like this happening, I think to myself, "How could a mother forget that her child is in the car?" It just didn't make sense to me.  It still doesn't.  But I saw a story of a mother who honestly forgot her child, and it was a fatal mistake that taught her a hard lesson.  It taught her to slow down. She was so caught up in her routine and making sure her to-do list for the day was being checked off that she forgot to take her baby out of the car.

My life revolves around you.  That's why it's so hard for me to understand forgetting a child.  If I forgot to get you out of the car, as soon as I got in the house I would realize you weren't there.  But I would never forget you.  You are like a part of my body.  There is not one waking second that you are not on my mind.

I am lucky to be a stay at home mother.  I'm lucky that I don't have to stress about work on top of being a mom.  But even if I did work, I still believe I would be just as in tune with you as I am now.  I would get to know you just as well as I know you now, even if I was dog-tired from work.  Some days it is easy to get caught up in what needs to be washed or what should I make for dinner.  But usually I catch myself or you scream for my attention and I realize I need to slow down. For example, I was busy putting clothes in the wash and folding clean clothes while you were fussing in the background.  I was aware that you were crying, but didn't let it register that something may be wrong.  When I 'woke up' from my housework daze, I stopped to see what was wrong and you were fussing because of an uncomfortable dirty diaper.  I felt horrible.  But thankfully a dirty diaper isn't life threatening.  I know that house work can wait because time I could be spending with you doesn't wait. You will be a grown woman in the blink of an eye. And that housework will still be there! :) 

Everything I do is for you.  Sometimes I consider getting a job so we can have some extra money. But I would go without many things before giving up the time I get to spend with you.  I'd go without eating before you'd go without food.  I'd go without getting clothes for myself, before you go without clothes that keep you cool and clothes that keep you warm.  You are my priority and I love that.

I know I will never be super mom and I know I will do many more things wrong.  But I do try to do the best I can do for you.  I don't want to grow old and feel like I missed out on watching you grow up because of housework or because I was focused on myself.  Your blue eyes and your sweet smile remind me everyday to slow down and enjoy my time with you!  I love you more and more every day.